Shelly Guillory
Polly Williams
Pollack "Polly" Ann Williams, who was featured in the HBO documentary Thin, was found dead three weeks ago (February 8, 2008) in her Hixson, Tennessee home. Polly suffered from anorexia nervosa for many years, and was only 33 when she died.
Polly died from an overdose of sleeping pills, a suicide that was "a direct result of her internal battle with the eating disorder," said her sister, Bebe W. Reed. "She said she could not fight the fight any longer."
Shelly Guillory,another woman featured in Thin, recently sent an e-mail to the author of mamaVISION. Shelly advised that since the death of her friend, Polly Williams, she will be taking up the fight against eating disorders. She said, in part, in her e-mail:
"I cannot say why I decided to get better, but a few months ago something just “clicked”. In AA they say a person has a spiritual awakening, but because I don’t like that term and I was never like Moses and saw a burning bush, I am just going to go with my Clicking Theory. I had hit an all time low. I was depressed, anxious, malnourished, and I was addicted to benzodiazipines. I realized I had to do something or I would die. Honestly, I really thought death was the only way I was going to get over this, I almost welcomed it. But deep down inside I knew I didn’t want to die, but I deeply believed I couldn’t get better. I kept telling myself over and over again, “you have tried and you have failed everytime.” But had I really tried? Had I really surrendered and given recovery every ounce of energy I had? The answer again was simple…No, I had not..."
"So in September 2008, I surrendered and it was quite possibly the scariest thing I had ever done. I realized I had to put aside my preoccupation with weight, food, body image, thinness and everything else that comes along with an eating disorder, once and for all. I was terrified because I knew without all those distractions I would be force to feel. Feelings I had not allowed myself to feel in so long were powerful. I felt uncomfortable because I had not felt anything for so long. The amount of anxiety I felt scared me and I several times I thought about quitting, turning back to starving and purging. But I knew I couldn’t. This was my time and I knew something greater than myself would get me through it. My confidence was shaky and many times I didn’t believe I could do it, but I just kept telling myself over and over again that I could no matter what I really believed. The power of positive self-talk has sustained me in my recovery...
"So I write to tell you it is possible. I was one who wasn’t supposed to make it. I am going to prove those who doubted me wrong. And it is going to feel good. And I win in the situation. Recovery to me means living the life I want, to not be weighed down by unnecessary worries and irrational thoughts. It means not putting unrealistic expectations on myself and not feeling like a failure when I don’t meet them. It means improved relationships with the people I love and care about. It means I can reach out, tell my story and give people hope. It means I can truly be the person that I am..."
~~~~~
Shelly, please know that we are all cheering you on in your recovery.
And for those who have taken up the fight, like Shelly, to spread information far and wide about the deadly consequences of eating disorders, please continue the fight in memory of Polly who left this world all too soon.
My previous post on Polly is here:
The link to mamaVISION's complete post on Shelly is here:
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8 comments:
"So I write to tell you it is possible. I was one who wasn’t supposed to make it. I am going to prove those who doubted me wrong. And it is going to feel good. And I win in the situation. Recovery to me means living the life I want, to not be weighed down by unnecessary worries and irrational thoughts. It means not putting unrealistic expectations on myself and not feeling like a failure when I don’t meet them. It means improved relationships with the people I love and care about. It means I can reach out, tell my story and give people hope. It means I can truly be the person that I am..."
Great post. I especially love this last paragraph.
My blog: Weighing The Facts
Thank you for sharing this update on Shelley. I am not all that 'with it' on ED related news/online community, so maybe this is quite belated but...
Reading what she had to say really gives me a lot to consider for my own recovery.
I tend to imagine I've hit some kind of plateau where I will never go back into the severity of an eating disorder like before, but still, will never have 'normal' or truly healthy eating. Maybe that is something I need to rethink and this whole surrendering thing she speaks about seems to hit a nerve for me...
(((Finnikki)))
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment.
I'm so glad Shelly's words gave you food for thought.
All the very best to you...
Hugs,
Medusa
Polly was the only one that suffred for real and the only one who tried hard to get better
They killed her
They killed sweet polly
Alaa
You're right, eating will never be 100% normal after recovery. It's like recovering from a drug addiction, except you can't just remove food from your life; you have to learn how to control your compulsive actions without separating yourself from the substance that sets you off. It's a life long struggle, with high and low points, and over time, it gets easier... But your guard has to always be up to some degree if you don't want to fall back into that dark place.
Our disease is something that keeps us together in time our family and friends leave us when we need them most. (1st hand)
In the eyes of my family I'm forever gone. In my eyes friends are chosen family. Polly is much alive within.
I agree with, Alaa. But forgiveness must be given for we all go. Friendship is lost and found. Now I'm at an all loss. Are you?
?
Polly's mom and sister shot down all conclusions that Polly's death was a suicide. However, could that have been because Polly was a lobbyist against ED and her family did not want to trigger those who looked up to her the most to give up hope?
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