MISSING PERSONS ALERT! KIMKINS PIN-UP COUPLE MISSING!

MISSING PERSONS ALERT !!!

The following All Points Bulletin was issued on December 14, 2007:
CURRENT STATUS: Unresolved

As is my wont, I often check the Kimkins.com site to see how Heidi is doing in her stupendous weight loss effort following her own Kimkins diet. Let's just say the pounds ain't droppin' off her sorry arse. So tonight I decided to check her numbers.

And what did I find on the front page of Kimkins.com? Pin-ups, Brian and Heather, have disappeared from the front page of the Kimkins website! Oh, no! Here's what it looks like now:

Now where on earth could they have gone? Did they piss off Heidi and were sent to banned camp?

Speaking of camp, maybe they hiked over to campcarboway to join camp director, Tippy Toes (Jeannie Baitinger), on her new diet board.

Now wouldn't that be whole lotta wholesome fun and games? Frying egg whites in a cast-iron pan on a Coleman stove, canoeing, eating bark and berries, hiking through fields of poison ivy, playing tetherball, horseshoes, staying up past midnight and telling scary low-cal stories to one another...I must stop there. The thought of life at campcarboway is making me **dizzy** with excitement.

If you have a tip on the whereabouts of our Brian and Heather, please leave a comment on this post. We're itching (got hives at campcarboway) to ascertain their whereabouts. All tips will be kept strictly confidential, so please leave your tip anonymously.

REWARD OFFERED !!! (one sugar cookie with sprinkles, and a bottle of the Cap'n).

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